Thursday, November 09, 2006

Wentworth Miller Is Not Gay

Exhibit A

Wentworth Miller can not dance. All gay men everywhere have rhythm. Wenty does not. Therefore, he can not be gay.

Exhibit B

Wentworth Miller can not dress. We know this from various pics of him where he has clearly dressed himself. Every gay man on earth could put any woman's sense of style to shame. Therefore, he can not be gay.

Exhibit C

Wentworth Miller does not dye his hair. What self respecting gay man would let himself go grey? Not a one. Therefore, he can not be gay.

Exhibit D

Wentworth Millers' ring finger is SHORTER than his index finger. Anyone who has ever watched The L Word religiously can tell you that one of the first things we ever learned was that scientifically speaking, if your ring finger is longer than your index finger you're gay. If not, then you're just not. Therefore, he can not be gay.

Exhibit E

Wenworth Miller often puts his hands on his hips. Now I know what you're thinking. That's gay...But no! No it's quite the opposite my friends as we learned at the SAG awards when Heath Ledger just couldn't keep his hand off of his hip while he and Jake Gyllenhaal presented the best love story ever told, Brokeback Mountain. Heath is straight, straight as an arrow. He has a girlfriend and a baby to prove it and he puts his hand on his hip all the time! This can only mean that Wentworth Miller is not gay.

I rest my case.